Title: Some Questions about Social Norms and Prayers Question: Thank you very much for your answer. I was getting interested in Islam because of this guy. That is true but when I started to learn and read more about it my interest become more to God than to the guy. I always believed in one God and the hereafter and in that everybody is dying when is his or her time is when ever it is , is always going to be God time. In this things I always believed from my heart. However when I got more and more into it I find lot of contradiction in it. Things what in theory are very good but in the practice are not working or if it is, not the same way as the theory would suggest. I try to give you an example but is not the only one. The Coran says that woman and man has the same rights but in the mean time the woman can leave the house if her husband let her. She can study under the same condition. I don't think that in this case we can speak about the same rights. My bf says that she has the right to study so as the man. But for me the right is only right if you really have the free choice to do something and not only under special conditions. In this case is the permission of the husband. That is not a free choice. If the husband says no, where is her right then? You see what I mean? This things are disturbing me and confusing me as well. Through reading the Coran and praying I get closer to God but in the mean time I also stay uncertain. Part of the problem is my trouble to pronounce the Arabic words. I try to do my best and when we are speaking on the phone with my boy friend he is also helping me with, but I still keeping difficulties with some words. The second problem is the time. I'm working as a vet, so I am working 12 hours a day. So I really can't do all the prayers in the time is given. If I could choose my own time is would be different but this way I am happy if I can do 2 or 3 of it. My boy friend says then do nothing. I was hurt with that. Not only because I think to do something is always better then to do nothing but also because I do my best. He is studying in a Muslim land so has easy to talk. This things making me very uncertain. I'm not sure if God is listening to my prayers like this or I am doing it all wrong. My relationship with God and with my boy friend are totally different. I never would do anything like this for a guy only. This is a life time commitment and I want to be sure that I can keep it for a lifetime. If you can help me clearing up some things I have written about I'll be very grateful. One side I think I'm doing it good, but the other side I keep the feeling not going forward. Thank you for understanding Kiss Katalin Belgium Answer: It is a special blessing from God Almighty when He helps us see the Truth and in turn we begin to develop a relationship with Him. I congratulate you on such a wonderful achievement; you are truly fortunate. You have pointed things out that you have understood to be contradictions but I would like to help you see that they are not contradictions. The Holy Qur'an is the Word of God and cannot contain any contradictions. The first example you point out deals with the equal rights of men and women. You are correct in saying that men and women have equal rights, equal freedoms and are valued and cherished by God equally. However, in Islam men and women play different roles. This does not mean one is better than the other or has more rights than the other but that each has their specific roles and responsibilities that they individually need to take care of. For example, you referenced that a woman who wants to go to school needs to get permission from her husband to leave. But that is not accurate. First, a healthy marriage would provide that the husband and wife agree of their plans whatever they may be. Second, it is not permission per se but rather that the wife informing the husband that she is about to leave. The husband, if he is practicing Islam correctly, cannot object for an unjustified reason. That would be un-Islamic. However, let's assume that the husband says no and the wife leaves anyway, then that is not committing a sin. What that does, is cause more problems. This is true of any relationship not only a Muslim one. The fact is, Islam wants to promote respect and honor within a marriage. It would be respectful of either person to give some notice of their intentions to leave. Walking out the door is not kind and is inconsiderate. It is honorable that when one person lets the other know that they are going to do something important, then the person staying at home shouldn't stand in the way. The nature of an Islamic marriage is love, peace and harmony. So as you can see no one asks permission; that is not an Islamic thing it's a cultural thing. In Islam a woman has an absolute right to study and no one can take that away from her. If she decides to get married then it would be wise that the partners relate to each other their intentions. This would relieve many of the potential problems that may make themselves apparent in the future. Its better that the two people who have chosen to live their lives together have a clear understanding of the path they are about to tread together. The Qur'an says: And among His Signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect. ( Al-Room 30: 21) Praying is a very important part of Islam. It is the way in which we develop our relationship with God. I applaud you on your efforts in trying to pray as best as you can. Reciting the Arabic words is part of the prayer, however there are times, such as at the end of the prayer, when you can say things to God in the language you are most comfortable in. You can also pray informal prayers. What I mean by that is you can praise the Lord at any time and keep Him in your heart and mind at anytime and anywhere and in any language. These prayers aside from the five mandatory prayers can be your way of talking to God and letting Him know how you feel. The reason we recite the Arabic is because that's one of the ways the Qur'an has stayed uncorrupted for 1500 years now. Insha'Allah , you will learn and it will become easy for you. New things tend to be hard at first but become easier later. I understand that you have long days at work and God loves those who work and He has made His religion so that it is not a burden upon us. In saying that, I hope that you do your best to pray five times a day. However, it is obvious that because of the nature of your work it will be difficult. Yet, Islam provides you the ability to make up your prayers. For instance, if you miss any prayer you can make up for it later in the day. If you do miss a prayer then that is between you and God, no one has the right to judge you. Only God knows your circumstances and only God knows your intentions. Your friend is not giving you good advice regarding this matter. We are human and can only aspire to be flawless and perfect. This is the reality of life and the struggle we all go through in order to be in communion with God's Will. So your friend is wrong, he should not be discouraging you like that. God rewards those who try their best. Don't allow anyone to shake your feelings towards Him and the path of Islam. I am sure you are a strong woman. The relationship you are building with the Almighty is beautiful and it is personal. The best advice I can give you is to never allow other people and their actions divert you or influence you in a negative way. The best formula in Islam is: If it doesn't make sense ask someone whom you think knows and trust. If it still doesn't make sense, after you've asked several people, then God is not going to find you guilty of something that is beyond your comprehension at the time. You refer to your friend as "boy friend", however I want to point out that a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship is not acceptable in Islam. You are welcomed to read an article related to this issue. I am not attempting to sever your ties with your friend nevertheless I am trying to help you realize the potential harm that may come from such a relationship. God has extended His Grace out to you; your lifetime commitment is your answer which is the right thing to do. God hears your prayers and is with you. That is His promise to those who seek Him. You are moving forward just by the mere effort you have put in asking questions. I wish you all the success and God's blessings in this life and the Hereafter. Please don't hesitate to contact us with questions you may have, we welcome you at any time. I hope I have clarified the issue God knows best Ronnie Hassan April 3, 2003