Title: Sexual Intercourse with One's Fiancé Question: I'd like to thank you for this site, it's absolutely wonderful, honestly, i think it's the best i've been on. For my question: Well, I do my duties as a Muslim, el hamd lelah, and I've done Hajj this year, I came back and promised Allah that I wont have intercourse with my fiancé any more, but the temptation of doing it was much more than I expected, I fell- and I believe I can't stop because well him and I believe so much that we are married, even though it's just an engagement, the first time we held the Qur'an and we promised that we are married and Allah is the Shahed on the marriage and we pay SADAQA every time we did something, the question is do you really think we can be considered a married couple with all of what we said and promised, we even act like we are a couple, I listen to him and he listens to me and we are very understanding- the thing is I can't stop and the feeling of guilt is too heavy for me to handle, I can't pray any more Quyaam Leel and Doha, I mean, I just feel Allah is real mad at me, I think I answered the question for myself, but I just want to know- How bad do I look in front of Allah? (We haven't really done it a lot, only 4 times) But I know Allah has warned us of not even coming near fornication, but does this refer to those getting married in even a couple of months? Also, I want to know is smoking a very bad deed? And... I'm sorry- How can I fix that sexual temptation problem? Jazakum allahukhair Anonymous United States of America Answer: The Quran says: And [the Godly are] those who do not call upon any deity besides God and neither kill any soul that God has prohibited except for a just cause nor commit fornication. Whoever is guilty of this shall meet an evil [punishment]. On the Day of Judgment, his punishment shall keep on increasing and he shall abide in this [punishment] forever - disgraced. (25: 68 - 69) According to the Quran, fornication is one of those abominable sins that have the potential to doom a person to everlasting hell. No matter how much conviction you have or howsoever passionate you are about your relationship with your fiancé, it is beyond any spec of doubt that you two cannot and should not assume to be or act like being in a conjugal relationship. In an earlier response, we wrote regarding the above-mentioned verse: A major difference between fornication and the other stated crimes is that in the case of most of the other crimes, there are clearly two parties to the crime - the aggressor and the aggrieved - while in the case of fornication none of the two parties directly involved in the crime can be called the aggrieved. Both parties are, in fact, aggressors. Thus, it can sometimes become quite difficult to fully appreciate the nature of the sin entailed in fornication. It should be understood that fornication is not a crime against an individual. On the contrary, it is, in fact, a crime against the society, as a whole. Fornication destabilizes the very foundations, upon which a stable society is built, which, in turn, is an essential requirement for the balanced growth and development of human beings. Fornication is clearly contrary to the values of Hayaa , loyalty and faithfulness and indulgence in it is, therefore, considered an extremely grave crime in all the Abrahamic revelations. The following verse categorizes some of the major sins with specific reference to believing women: O Prophet! When believing women come to thee to take the oath of fealty to thee, that they will not associate in worship any other thing whatever with Allah, that they will not steal, that they will not commit adultery (or fornication), that they will not kill their children, that they will not utter slander, intentionally forging falsehood, and that they will not disobey thee in any just matter- then do thou receive their fealty, and pray to Allah for the forgiveness (of their sins): for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (60: 12) You write: But I know Allah has warned us of not even coming near fornication, but does this refer to those getting married in even a couple of months? You are right in alluding to the following Quranic verse: And go not nigh to fornication; surely it is an indecency and an evil way. (17: 32) This directive of the Qur'an directs the believers to not only refrain from the act of fornication, but also to always remain mindful of all such circumstances and situations, which may lure them into committing the grave sin. This directive is categorical without any exception. It not only refers to those getting married in a couple of months but even to those getting married in a day. I do not have enough words to emphasize the importance of Hayaa , chastity and restrain, especially for a believing woman. These values are among her most prized possessions, which she would always dread to let go of. Not only because these values constitute the very essence of her being, but also because losing them is most detestable in the eyes of God. Quoting a part of what is a long narrative ascribed to the Prophet (sws): O Followers of Muhammad (pbuh), none is more indignant than Allah When His servant or maid commits fornication. (Sahih Muslim: Book 004, Number 1966) But you do not have to be despondent about it. The Qur'an has, to our solace, repeatedly mentioned that true repentance and a sincere resolve to correct and mend our ways guarantees forgiveness for even the gravest of crimes. Therefore, I implore you to immediately desist from this act and devise a way to never allow this to happen in future. I sincerely suggest that you two should not be alone together or in any such situation, which affords you a chance to get intimate. Also, engage your fiancé in a discussion about the iniquity contained in this act. Apart from that, if it is possible, get married to him without any delay. Try to somehow present the urgency of getting married, which can, particularly, be done by your fiancé. While it appears that you are regular in your prayers, try to offer more " naf'l " (supererogatory) prayers, Tahajjud in particular, and think about the great worldly and eternal harm you would bring upon yourself by indulging in this act. Think that by sincerely repenting and controlling yourself, you would be forgiven by the Merciful and saved from hell fire. And regardless of how bad you look in front of God, sincere and continual repentance, backed by actions, will wash away the stains that make you look bad. Pay heed to this reported advice of the Prophet (sws): Abdullah reported that a person came to Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) and said: Allah's Messenger, I sported with a woman in the outskirts of Medina, and I have committed an offence short of fornication. Here I am (before you), kindly deliver verdict about me which you deem fit. Omar said: Allah concealed your fault. You had better conceal it yourself also. Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him), however, gave no reply to him. The man stood up and went away and Allah's Apostle (may peace be upon him) sent a person after him to call him and he recited this verse:" And observe prayer at the ends of the day and in the first hours of the night. Surely, good deeds take away evil deeds. That is a reminder for the mindful" (xi. 115). A person amongst the people said: Allah's Apostle, does it concern this man only? Thereupon he (the Holy Prophet) said: No, but the people at large. (Sahih Muslim: Book 037, Number 6658) You ask at the end: Also, I want to know is smoking a very bad deed? It might not appear to be a superlatively bad deed but on close reflection, you can find a lot of moral hindrances that should cause you to abstain. In other words, there are concrete moral justifications to quit, if you smoke. First of all, this life is given to us by Allah as a trust and we would be accountable for all that we did in our lives. I do not want to stretch the comparison too far, but we know that committing suicide is a grave sin. Now one could commit suicide instantly, or, knowingly or inadvertently, poison him/herself slowly. Smoking is proven to be a major cause of a host of deadly cancers and heart diseases. If I were to ask you today whether you want to willfully contract lung cancer, I am sure you would say no. Then why would you want to contract it ten or twenty years from now, or even increase radically the chances of it? This to me amounts to slowly poisoning oneself in mock disregard of the value of life given by our creator. Many people would call it a medium to allay tension and depression. Why would one have to turn to smoking to avert tension? Why not take refuge in Allah, in the Quran, in prayers, in the countless blessings, in our family, in our friends? The list is never ending. And then we have to ask ourselves: Countless people are dying of hunger, they are homeless, they do not even have rags to wear, they do not have education, and we the ones who take all of this for granted, are we morally justified to burn our money on cigarettes? The Quran says: Then, shall ye be questioned that Day about the joy (ye indulged in!). (102: 8) If smoking gives you joy and if you can justify questions about it on that Day, you can by all means consider it not too bad. Your comments about our site are heartening. May the Almighty give us the courage and patience to tread the path that leads to Him. Regards, Razi Allah March 22, 2003