Title: Severing Ties with Family & Friends Question: It so happens that we try our best to be particular in prayers and we are on our way to learning Islam and bringing it in our lives. However, due to the events that unfold on daily basis, sometimes we get into arguments with our brothers, sometimes we get angry at them and vice versa, and sometimes they or we get jealous or pride comes in the way. How do you propose that we solve these problems? Is it a sin to cut your links permanently with a brother or friend if you feel that sometimes his pride or selfishness overcomes him and he likes to be courted and given importance much more than what he does for you or others? Also you sometimes find yourself in hot arguments with him? Anonymous United States of America Answer: Having a sibling is one of the most blessed gifts a person can have. A sibling shares the very blood in your veins, the very elements that has brought you into being and even the same womb that carried you for months until your birth. Your brother/sister is an extension of your parent's love and care, and as a matter of fact is an extension of yourself. Why this is important is because in moments of anger or frustration we tend to forget that unique bond that ties us together. It is imperative, when we are calmer and can think more clearly, to weigh the problem against the love and relationship we have with our siblings. I appreciate that although two people can have so much in common in terms of biology, yet can be quite different in personality. This is the opportunity when our familial status can be put to work. We must, as brothers and sisters, exert all our energies to be an example to the other person. We must help them learn, not by pointing out their faults, but by demonstrating what is correct in a kind and gentle manner. Talking helps a great deal. If two people are mature enough to let each other know how they feel, then I would recommend it. There is very little that works better than communication. If that doesn't work, then maybe you need to, in a gentle way, express how you feel without being irritating. I'm sure you've developed a sense of what bothers the person you've grown up with, so I'm sure you'll avoid certain "trigger" elements during your conversations. Lastly, people tend to get on each other's nerves for various reasons. Some petty and some significant, however, as mature people with Islamic principles we must achieve the highest form of civility, even when we don't agree with one another. It may have to be that the two of you should not discuss things that cause "heated" debates. Avoid subjects that are provocative to the other person. Also, as you well know jealousy and pride are ills that can be cured by self-examination and a closer relationship with the Almighty. There is not a reason that a Muslim should feel jealousy towards anyone, as a matter of fact the Muslim should be happy for those who are happy. He/she should pray for those people and pray that they find happiness in their own lives as well. Pride is broken down only when one person decides not to be stubborn and gives in because of his/her love towards the other and because they realize that life is fragile. One moment a person is around to fight with, the other they are gone forever. Although, Islam does not render breaking relationships a sin, under all circumstances, however, it does promote solving problems and maintaining relationships. If one really investigates deep within themselves, they will find that many points of disagreements are not as grave as we tend to react to them. If a person likes to be viewed as important or popular then you can try to help, but just remember that a person's popularity with God is more important. Piety supersedes the trivialities of this life. I hope I have clarified the issue God knows best Ronnie Hassan May 6, 2003