Title: Reconciling with an Apostate Sister Against the (Late) Father's Will Question: I am confused please help me. We are 12 brothers and sisters alhamdulilaah . We love each other. One of our sisters, at an early stage, fell in love with a Christian and left home to get married. She also declared herself a Christian ( Murtaddah ) naudhubillaah . This annoyed our parents a lot and my sister was excommunicated from the family for a while. Later, my father attempted many times to bring her back by telling her to come back to Islam along with her husband and they both will be accepted in our home. Many times she refused. Before my father died in 1995, he made it clear to her, and to all of us, that if he died and our sister still remained a Christian, we were not allowed to communicate with her after his death. Recently, my sister's husband died. Some of our family now feels that we should reopen up with our sister, even against our late father's will. I am of the belief that calling her back to Islam is acceptable but advising her that we accept her back into our homes is unacceptable. She has caused so much pain in our family, and especially to my father's life and I do not think I can stand it knowing that by bringing her back to our family, I'll be going against my father's will. What can we do? Please advise urgently. This issue has the potential to cause a division between our families, something we do not wish to see happen. Please also advise me of the source of the Fatwa . Jazaakumullah Khairan . Answer: As should be quite clear, the referred issue is not one in which the Shari`ah has given any specific directives. Whatever I have to say in this regard should, therefore, be considered my personal opinion, which, due to my background, may be influenced by my understanding of Islam, but is not completely based on any specific directives of the Qur'an or the Sunnah of the Prophet (pbuh). In my opinion, the issue originates from a general lack of empathy, which parents, guardians and elders - especially those with a strong religious inclination and a strong sense of social status and recognition - have for such emotions of their children and young ones, which they [i.e. the elders] hold to be against the directives of Islam or as having the potential of negatively effecting their social position. I honestly feel that if, in the beginning, such cases were handled with more care, empathy toward the feelings of the young ones and a better understanding of the situation, the results could have been tremendously different, not only from the perspective of the life of this world, but also from that of the gains of the hereafter. However, unfortunate as it is, time waits for no one and the opportunities once lost, rarely, if ever, knock on our doors again. I wonder, if at the time that it had become obvious that your sister had decided to marry the person, had your family - even if unwillingly - accepted her decision, would such acceptance have saved her from renouncing Islam and becoming a Christian or would it, at least, have persuaded her more effectively to re-enter the folds of Islam at a later time? Would such acceptance have introduced her husband to Islam and subsequently created an opportunity for him to accept it, had he been convinced of it being the truth of God? These, and all related questions, would remain unanswered. For man's life is sometimes unalterably shaped by the choices that he makes. He may regret at a particular choice that he had made in the past, but hardly, if ever, can he change it or even avoid facing its consequences. My dear brother, indeed man cannot change the past. Yet, till the day he dies, he has a chance to make a wise decision and exploit all the chances of doing good and, thereby, improving the situation for himself and for others, in the life of this world as well as in the eternal life of the hereafter. It is with this spirit that I implore you to treat your sister in the manner that a sister should be treated. I remind you, and all your family members, of the directive of the Qur'an to "deal with your relatives in the most appropriate manner [1] " and "not to break that which God has ordained to be joined [2] ". My dear brother, open the doors of your house and your heart for your sister, give her the love that she would naturally expect from her brother and console her for the great loss that she has suffered. I fully appreciate that, in view of your father's will, doing all this would be extremely difficult for you and your other brothers and sisters. Nevertheless, I ask you to forgive her, as you, yourself, would like your Lord to forgive you for all that you may have erred in. God willing, your good behavior with her may once again open her heart and mind for Islam. September 9, 2000 [1] Al-Nisaa 4: 36 [2] Al-Raad 13: 21, the reference in this verse is to relations - especially blood relations.