Title: Obligation to Parents Question: Firstly, I would like to acknowledge and thank you for all of the information on your website, its is quite a task to locate non-biased information, as a non-Muslim who is trying to educate and explore the world of Islam. My question: My dear friend who is Muslim struggles terribly to find a balance with his family who lives abroad. He is one of three sons (the middle child) and his family seems to need all of the time over the years they have exhausted him financially, spiritually and emotionally to the point his own happiness and life have been sacrificed. I am aware he has an obligation to his parents regardless of their actions. I would like to give him some supportive words and thoughts within the boundaries of the Qur'an. If possible please suggest some guiding words I may pass on to help him through this difficult time. Thank you kindly. Peace be to you Answer: I am pleased to hear that you are happy with the information you have found and thank you for your kind words. I commend you on your endeavor to study and explore Islam being a non-Muslim, as it depicts your search for the truth rather than just making a blank decision on what you see in the world around you. I also admire what you are doing for your friend, I'm sure that this in itself will be a great support for him in his struggle. I am not sure whether I correctly understand what you explained about your friend so please accept my apology and write back if I am mistaken. It seems that your friend has a family abroad that wants him to spend a lot of time with them which is causing him financial, spiritual and emotional problems. You have asked for some guiding words and God willing I shall provide them. I do not know whether you meant that they are also putting a strain on him by asking him for financial support but nonetheless I shall answer as best as I can. It is certainly a very important requirement in Islam to be kind and dutiful towards ones parents. This does not mean that one cannot also live ones own life. We have to strike a balance. Of course, we should desire to take care of our parents too as they did for us. Any hardship that one faces in this way, if it is to please God then that person should take satisfaction and comfort in the fact that God will certainly reward them abundantly. Remind your friend that God loves those who do well. God Almighty says in the Qur'an: "Then shall anyone who has done an atoms weight of good, see it!" Al Zalzalah 99:7 Taking care of ones Parents and serving them in the way of God is surely worth a lot more than an atoms weight so your friend shall see it on the Day of Judgment. God willing, he shall then rejoice. Remember, that the harder you work well, the more you will get back in the Hereafter. But it's not necessarily just the hereafter; God can always make good things happen in this world, sometimes from an angle that you just would not expect. God is the wisest. You stated: "I am aware he has an obligation to his parents regardless of their actions" This is true in a way, but it does not mean that he has to do everything they say. He should certainly make sure that if he cannot fulfill a wish of theirs that he explains it nicely and tries to get them to understand. I'm sure they love their son dearly and will appreciate his feelings. There are exceptions to the rule of obeying ones parents, for instance, if they were to order you to worship someone other than God then you would obviously not follow their command. However, you should still explain it to them nicely. Take another example, your parents cannot force you to get married to whom they wish, again you should try not to fight with them about it but rather explain it in such a way that you remain in peace. I hope that whatever strains your friend is being put under, that he will do the same in this case if he feels that they are asking of him more than he can bear. I do however, also hope that he remains as close to them as possible and does take care of them as I'm sure they did when he needed it the most. We don't know how long our Parents are going to be with us and so we should try to treasure every moment we have with them. The Qur'an says: "Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him. Treat your parents with great consideration; if either or both of them live with you in their old age, do not say even "fie" to them; nor rebuke them, but speak kind words to them; treat them with humility and tenderness and pray: "Lord, be merciful to them just as they brought me up with kindness and affection." Your Lord best knows what is in your minds. If you live righteously, He surely forgives and turns towards all such people as are penitent and obedient." Al Isra' 17:23-25 I so hope that everything turns out for the better; may God will it so. Please do write back if anything remains unanswered. My fond regards to you and your friend. Hischam May 17, 2004