Title: Newlywed With Marital Problems Question: I recently got married, and have been experiencing difficulties as from start. My wife initially refused to take part in any sexual activity, to make matter worst initially refused to even acknowledge my existance. Having seen this i raised this issues with elderes of our family and asked about why the marriage took place in the first instance. To summarize matters, things improved however not by a lot weeks into my marriage there is no real sexual contact. I discussed the matter f.of oral sex, and was told outright that this is haram, and my stance was not haram. Essentially i woudl like to know few things First of all what are the properties of a ideal muslim husband (i live in western society, therefore i guess am influenced by it as well) I need to know what are my rights interms of this marriage? islamically speaking. I have read your articles on orla sex and sexual matters, however do i now have the right to force? as that is the only alternative that i have not tried. What are the rights of a husband, I am a bit stuck as i never thought this problem could/would have occured. Her fmaily comming from pakistan, belive it is magic and somone has done something and presuing this avenue, however i just need to know what should i really do next? Answer: There is no "ideal" husband. A husband must behave accordingly to every aspect of his life. If the person places righteousness and honesty first then it is likely that all other desirable traits will follow. Love, wisdom, kindness, affection, etc... are all essential ingredients of an ideal relationship. What assists these is the indispensible mechanism of communication. It is by far one of the most important components of a marriage. If one tries to put these together, God willing, their relationship may progress better than marriages that lack them. Your rights are the same as your wife's. You are in the marriage to be happy and establish a family. In addition to these are the rights of both partners to intercourse; the husband and wife are supposed to engage in it with mutual affection. If this is not the case then maybe having a discussion about it would help or, if need be, a professional that may assist in this regard. Take into consideration your wife's feelings: she is new to the relationship and all the roles and responsibilities that come with marriage. Nevertheless, no one may force the other into anything, which includes sex. As a matter of fact, such an act may be so detrimental to the marriage it may lead to its destruction. Just think about someone forcing you to do something you do not want to do; not much could be worse than an invasion of your person. I would advise that you not invest into believing in magic having a role in this matter and deal with it wisely. The first thing you must consider is why the woman accepted to marry you and what were her conditions to accept such a marriage, which is seemingly not something she wants. Get to the bottom of the situation and be understanding. If you proceed with the right heart and mind it may lead to the betterment of the situation. I hope I have clarified the issue. God knows best. Ronnie Hassan January 26, 2007