Title: My Mother is Torturing my Mind... Question: I am a girl of 21 years. I am facing a problem that is affecting my daily life as well. I am well educated girl with all the facilities of life. But my problem is my mother. She is loving and caring towards me but she is too bad with the servants we have in ours house. She keeps on fighting with all my relatives and only good to those who have status and money. With servants , she is extremely rude and insults them a lot. When I stop her, It creates bad atmosphere in house. But I have lost my peace of mind because she is shouting always... She is very sweet with those who are living in high standards. We have everything mashallah, and this has made her even more proud and careless towards who are in need. When she shouts at servants, I just cant bear it and stop her, but this has created distances between us. She know says that I am more sincere to servants than to her. I love her a lot but the way she scolds and beats servants, it makes me really sad and bitter. I have now lots of differences with my mother, because I think she is a big diplomat. She changes her attitude so quickly that it makes me dislike her a lot. Even yesterday when she was cursing and screaming at little servant of 12 years , I prayed that she should die as she is being a constant torture for the servants and also to my father. He is patient and even he is annoyed with all time tension. But in Islam mother has great respect. I love and respect my mother a lot but I think I am losing all this love for her. And I know God shall be angry with me, but I don't know what to do. I really feel sorry for the servants. Even sometimes they are not given best of the food that makes me feel even more miserable. Tell me what to do? I am really very depressed. From Silent screams Aarzoo Pakistan Answer: I really feel your concern and appreciate your sympathetic attitude towards the needy and the poor. We have been sent here for a test and trial and our Creator wants to judge who returns to Him with a record of the good and who meets Him laden with the burden of evil and bad deeds. All of us are sitting in an examination hall with no exception, however, the style and pattern of exam is different. I think you have been given the paper of patience and God wants to see how much you are patient and how you fulfill God's commandments in this particular situation. Our duty is just to obey the commandments of God. If in a particular condition you have done your job then you should be satisfied as you would not be held responsible. The primary question, that we have to decide, is that in a specific condition and in particular circumstances, what are the commandments, which we have to obey. In your case you are not allowed to disrespect your mother under any circumstances. However, her eternal well being demands that you should try to have a better dialogue with her so that she should be saved form the wrath of God. Try to see her close friends and explain the situation to them. Perhaps they would be able to communicate with her. Moreover, open your heart before her in a cool and calm way and tell her in detail what your concerns are and also try to narrate that we all are accountable for our each and every action. These discussions should preferably be in private not in the presence of servants or even other family members. She is your mother; she would insha'Allah feel your concern. Try to make her realize the real intensity of your concern and the gravity of the problem. Assure her that what ever you are doing is for her benefit and that you are not a 'member of the opposition'. Make her feel the desire and the natural inclination of being liked and respected by others and that the short cut for it is that she should begin from her servants. In response she would gain such respect and love which she cannot achieve from her peers. Remember, it is not our duty to correct the people and force them to adopt the path which we consider right. On the contrary, our duty ends at trying our best to mend their ways. We are bound to be overpowered with tension and frustration when we start thinking that the rectification and correction of people around us is our responsibility. Try to appreciate the difference between forcing some one to the right path and that of showing that path with all clarity. Your duty is to show the picture of the right path in a better and a more effective way. The rest is up to them. However, as a part of effectively communicating our concern for the well being of others, it is our duty to try to find out ways, which would serve our purpose without annoying our addressee. In this connection, I would suggest that you seek the help of your father and also try to help the servant financially, as a surrogate to make up for their broken hearts. Furthermore, their monetary assistance would also compensate, to some extent, for the 'torture' you are facing. If you have brothers, share your feeling with them they can also be helpful in this matter. Moreover praying to God will certainly relieve your tension. He is the one, who can solve all our problems, while not a single problem can be solved without His permission. Present your distresses and your helplessness before Him, from the depths of your heart, imploring Him to help you through His abounding mercy. Completely surrender before Him. This surrender would most certainly pull you out of your agony. Regards, Siddiq Bukhary February 6, 2003