Title: My Faith is not Consistent… Question: I first take this opportunity to appreciate your work and I wish you all the best to carry out this good work in the future as well, Insha Allah. I am an Indian, currently living in the United Kingdom. I believe in God and I believe in our messenger. I was once a non-practicing Muslim. But, I realized the mistake I was making and started to Pray, read Quran and tried by best to be in the path of Allah. But, I have this peculiar problem. My faith in Allah is not very constant and stable. For example, I am sincere in praying and devoting myself to Allah for six months. And then, all of a sudden, I find myself stop praying and go astray. It all happens in just one moment. I completely loose faith and go in search of worldly pleasures including alcohol and other things which are clearly forbidden. I will be like this, for say, 3 months, and again I realize the mistake and turn towards the path of Allah. But the same thing repeats after 3 months in cycle. This is been going on for the last three years. It has happened now. For the past two month I have gone astray again and I do things which are forbidden and definitely to the dislike of God. I am realizing that what I am doing is wrong and I cannot afford to stay like this and have to start praying again. But this time, I have this strange and very strong feeling that I will not be forgiven this time since I have wandered far away from the path of Allah and God has decided hell fire for me. I also have this almost decided feeling that I am very unfortunate, having this beautiful religion in front of me and not being able to benefit from it. I wanted to pray again, but I am feeling very guilty to pray after what I have done and what I am doing at the moment and I feel that it may not be of any use after all, since I am convinced that God is frustrated with me and forsaken me. As we all know, if a non-Muslim turn towards the path of Allah and takes shahadah saying, There is no God but Allah and Prophet Mohammed (PBUH) is the messenger of Allah, they not only become Muslim, but their past sins are forgiven and they become as pure as a new born child. I would like to know, since I was born a Muslim and having gone astray almost to the extremes, can I say the Shahadah (without the two witnesses required. Just to myself, alone) and make a promise that I will try my best not to go astray again, will my past sins be forgiven and will I be as pure as a new born child?. Will God accept my shahadah and will God accept me as a believer? Or is shahadah only for reverts and for persons not born as a Muslim, which could mean, even though I repent, I still have to undergo punishments in the hereafter? Also, how can I increase my faith and make it constant? Is Devil's influence on me is more than God's influence? I am confused looking at the state I am in right now. Thanks in advance for your help. May Allah bless you with all his abundance. Regards, I Sha United Kingdom Answer: God has created humanity with the knowledge of right and wrong. This guidance is now prickling at your very conscience, trying to tell you that you are going against God's will and at the same time harming yourself both in this world and in the Hereafter. It is a blessing that you realize your errors and are trying to mend your ways. However, you seem to have allowed yourself to fall into despair about your circumstances. It is a very critical that you try your best to remain steadfast and put trust in the Lord to help. You should keep in mind, without a shadow of doubt, that God is Infinitely Merciful and Eternally Compassionate. These are not mere attributes we recognize our Creator with, but rather, they are an active function of His Love for us. Your feelings of not being forgiven, is the rationale your mind develops due to your constant infringements. Let me attempt to allay your apprehensions by helping you realize that your, or anyone's, rationale can never be as Just or as Merciful as God's. This should be borne into your mind and heart. Your guilt is building these thoughts into your head because that's all your conscience is dealing with at the moment. God, beyond our scope of understanding, deals with all the aspects of our lives and knows the very reasons to our actions. Your guilt does what is humanly logical and that is to convict you without mercy. God on the other hand exercises His Forbearance and grants leniency according to His Judgment. I am by no means trying to alleviate the guilt that you feel. Had you not felt it you may have never realized your wrongs. What I am attempting to do is calm your fears regarding your "perceived" judgment to Hell. Do your part and leave the Judgment and Mercy to God. The Shahadah is a testimony of faith, as a Muslim you should be saying it multiples times a day. This testimony is not what cleanses converts of their past sins, rather it is their acceptance of Islam which purifies them of all previous wrongful beliefs. The Shahadah is only a verbal confirmation of one's belief in the One True God and His Messenger. Of course, the Shahadah means much more than that but that is irrelevant to our present topic. Therefore it will not purify you no matter how many times you repeat it. What will remove your sins is prayer, righteous deeds and repentance. After you pray, ask God to forgive you for your sins. After you have asked for forgiveness and you have repented not to ever commit them again then follow up your promise with actions. Your weaknesses are a sign of maturity and how much of a grasp you have upon yourself and your life. You must make the decision to stop straying and take control of your life. You give into your vices because you choose to do so; choose not to. It is difficult, but there comes a time when we all must make grand decisions for ourselves. You are facing such a decision now. Finally, it should be clear to you that God is Merciful. As long as you ask for forgiveness and repent then your sins will be cleansed, according to His Gracious attributes. If God forgives you then you don't have to worry about being punished, all you have to concern yourself with is following the right path and maintaining your good standing. Praying is the best way to keep good ties with the Almighty. If you pray at least five times a day you will, insha'Allah , conquer your vices and increase your faith and strengthen your relationship with Him. Humanity has been given choices, either you allow God to influence your life or you allow the Devil to deceive you. Your salvation is within your grasp. Remember, even if you fall over and over again, God will be there to help you get back up. All you have to do is reach. Please also refer to one of our previous responses to a related questions titled ' How can I Save Myself against Satan's Attacks? ' and ' Problems Faced by a Convert Muslim '. I hope I have clarified the issue God knows best Ronnie Hassan March 30, 2003