Marriage for Fear of Sin Without Parental Approval
Question
Asalumalaykum. I am 18years old and I wish to get married with a muslim brother from college. we have known each other for more than a year and have told out parents about each other. my parents are accepting him but think it is too early for marriage. his parents are accepting but also believe it is too early for marriage. i understand our parents but i do not want to continue sinning by having a relationship without being married. i also fear that by waiting for our parents to be ready to have the marriage (possibly in four years time) me and the guy might commit other sins. i know that his parents will not agree to nikah at this age and my parents also will not agree even if i explain to them that we fear we may commit sins. please tell me if we can have a nikah done without the bride and groom's parents permission. we do not wish to commit further sins and we cannot wait four years for nikah as we are in fear we may commit sins. please help me. i want to do everything as a nikah should be done but i cannot tell me father as he will not agree and i cannot persuade him even if i tell him i may commit sins.
Answer
From what little information you have provided it seems that you may be going down a very windy road with a potential of a tremendous amount of problems. As an 18 year old you may have very limited sight in regards to your situation. Additionally, your focus is your relationship with this person whom you are willing to go to great extents. The reason your parents may wish that you postpone such an enormous and serious responsibility is because they have been there and they are well aware of the circumstances. Marriage is serious and such a decision may impact you for the rest of your life. Your parents know and they probably considered it and many other aspects heavily. They are thinking about more things than mere hormones as that is not what drives a relationship. What is important to keep in mind is that they approve of your choice but by circumventing their guidance you run the risk of ruining your chances of maintaining their acceptance. If you take the time and think about this deeply, especially from their perspective, hopefully you will see how much wrong can go with such a plan. Consider this analogy to better understand: a bird in the nest begins to flap his stubs and the mother says not yet. Nevertheless, he insists over and over that he can do it and his mother implores him and explains he does not have fully developed wings. Still, he insists he can fly. One night, he waits for his mother to sleep and attempts to fly... I do not mean to be patronizing but this is an attempt to make you realize what one may think of your situation being on the outside of your relationship. I understand love and emotions and being caught up with someone you care so much. However, those things do not take into consideration the potential problems that may arise. Your fear of more sins is a bit of cop out. There are far easier things that one can do than what you are proposing. In the end the decision will be yours. It is with hope that you take the above into consideration. Nevertheless, you are allowed to establish a legal marriage contract (Nikah) without either side's parental agreement. There are laws in your country that you are to follow so keep that in mind as well. You should have your witnesses and this should not be considered a secret marriage as secret marriages are prohibited in Islam. I hope this helps. God knows best. Answer published by Ronnie Hassan
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