Title: Can I Still Keep her as my Wife? Question: Dear sheikh, I don't know what to do, I am very shocked to know that she has had sex with another guy. while I was trying hard to improve my iman and was suggesting her to follow the right path, she had done this to me. I cant explain how I am felling. I want to be a good Muslim. I don't pray regular -its on and off. I kept beard but I feel I am one of hypocrites. is Allah punished me through of it or Allaah gave me sign to leave her. I don't want to disobey or earn Allah's anger anymore. I got two children, I cant rely on her that she will bring them on right path. I cant think without them but I know this world in nothing? how can I deal with her. do I have to divorce her? is she still remaining my wife? I cant love her anymore but suggested to repentance but I cant see sincerity on her though she was crying to me but she should pray more, I asked her not to smoke but she still smoking. but what I can say I was not strict enough before, I never threaten her or didn't punished her for her fault. please give me answer. I am felling very little. will Alah forgive my sin if I forgive her and stay with her, is there any reward? Answer: Not only has your wife dishonored your matrimony but she may have burdened herself with a severe penalty in the hereafter if she is not repentant. What she has done is abominable. Her actions, though wrong, may stem from some sort of problem in the marriage. This is for you to discover. However, regardless of what the problems are an adult needs to act in a prudent manner not give in to impulses no matter what they are driven by. There is no doubt your wife is wrong. She made the decision to commit such an act. The issue here is not punishment or a sign to leave her, the issue is really her poor judgment to be a wife and a role model for your children. You should take all these things into consideration when making this difficult decision. She is still your wife and it is upon your discretion whether you should divorce her or not. The Shari'ah leaves it up to you so long as you keep this incident to yourself. Contrary to your understanding this world does have meaning. It is the place and time when we prepare our souls to return to the Almighty. Either we fail or pass the Test. In your case the hypocritical feelings are justified yet unhealthy. Surely we want our conscience to poke at us when we are straying from God's path but at the same time we need to realize we are humans and we fail. Of course this is not an excuse for not praying. I just want you to realize that even if you fail you should never give up. Try your hardest to maintain a relationship with the Almighty. Even if you do not feel like praying push yourself to do it. This will help you become more attached to the act of praying. This may sound without spirit and mechanical, yet you should appreciate that no one is always and in every prayer at their highest and most intense feelings of spirituality. It does shift. It may go up and down at various times. Our job is to recognize them and not fall prey to the negative times. Even if you do miss a prayer you may correct yourself but do not punish yourself. Acknowledge, to yourself, that you missed a prayer and ask for forgiveness. Make up the prayer and try your best not to miss another prayer. God is Eternally Merciful, know that He understands our circumstances. While we give up on ourselves He does not give up on us. Lastly, staying married to your wife has no bearing on your repentance. However, forgiving her is a good thing as we are encouraged to do by the Qur'an. This does not mean that you have to remain married, just that you find it in your heart to forgive. Your sins will go away with your sincere repentance not from your forgiveness towards anyone. You have some difficult choices to make, pray to God for wisdom and trust in Him. I hope I have clarified the issue. God knows best. Ronnie Hassan March 8, 2005