Title: Breaking Off an Engagement Question: Three and a half years ago I met a Muslim man and to make a long story short he told me he wanted to marry me, but not at that time because he was still in school and was not stable enough to get married. I was also starting school, so it told him that I would wait for him. I waited 3 years for him and during those 3 years we discussed an issue that he convinced me that would not affect our relationship. I know any relationship before marriage is haram , but most of the time it was long distance, and it was for the purpose of marriage. The issue was about a past problem that happened between his grandma and my grandfather when we were not even born. I was not aware of the extent of the problem, so it didn't stop me from accepting his proposal, but he did and early on throughout our 3 year relationship, I kept asking him that if it was a problem to not let our relationship go on, because it only get harder to let go, but he convinced me that he would never let such a problem come between us. Finally when he told his parents about me they refused to accept me because they said that our families can never be together. So after some time he decided that he would come alone without his parents if my parents agreed. And my parents agreed and the past wasn't a problem, they didn't think that we should be responsible for something that we weren't even born for, they didn't want to pass the problem to our generation. When he told his parents he was coming alone, they started problems with my parents, and then after all that, at the last minute, he decided to leave me because of his parents. I just want to know if Islamically that was a valid reason for him to leave me, I know honoring your parents in Islam is very important, but how can I be held responsible for something that I wasn't even born for and something that is out of my control. My life has just been shattered after this has happened, I don't understand how parents can ruin their own son's life for something that we weren't responsible for. Isn't also wrong for someone to betray u like this? Also his parents are people who have done pilgrimage so is it not wrong for them to hold a grudge over my parents over something that happened years ago? I have come to the conclusion that I have that it was not meant for me to marry him, but can u just please explain to me from an Islamic perspective? Answer: It is unfortunate that we live in a world of mistrust and antagonism. It affects us, as in your case, even when we are not involved or inclined towards such behavior. Your situation revolves around unbending and unforgiving minds rather than any Islamic principles. As a matter of fact all that you have stated regarding the actions of the families is contradictory to what Islam teaches its adherents. The issue of the man leaving you is not an Islamic one but rather an ethical one. In other words, he did not break any Islamic laws per se but may have acted contrary to Islam's ethical standards. Something that should be appreciated regarding marriage in Islam is that, from the perspective of the Shari`ah , a soon to be wedded couple do not need parental permission. As long as the two consenting adults are willing to commit themselves and formulate a marriage contract with witnesses then that, according to the Shari'ah (i.e. Islamic Law), is a valid marriage. The circumstances surrounding your relationship are quite unpleasant and I empathize with your position. However, the blame is upon the shoulders of personalities. Whatever their level of spirituality it seems that they may have turned a blind eye to some of the most basic elements of religion: forgiveness, compassion and open-mindedness. It seems that you have come to some sort of closure regarding this issue but understandably wounded. I offer that you keep your head up and keep in perspective this situation. It is unfortunate that it did not work out as was planned, however, it may have been that the Almighty was working in your favor to save you from a lifetime of agony. I hope I have clarified the issue. God knows best. Ronnie Hassan February 4, 2004