Title: Bias & Prejudice Question: I'd like to thank you & applaud the exceptional service/knowledge you provide by helping so many people. I am a Masters student in the United States. My parents are old-fashioned traditional Pakistanis (living in Pakistan) who believe that our culture is best suited for our people and that converts from other places cant be trusted due to what they've been exposed to as children. I dont share this point of view and have encountered many excellent muslims in America working harder day after day to learn and abide more by the Shariah. In my 10 years of residing in the USA I have seen that the general attitude of our Pakistani people (men & especially women) is of pure negativity to the point of hostility towards the American converts. My questions in this regard are as follows: Since this attitude is almost universal among our Pakistanis here, how does this stand from an Islamic point of view where tolerance is promoted and racism and biased opinions are discouraged? Or do I need to adjust my attitude and not give these people a chance? If you have any suggestions on how to improve our public attitudes please feel free to share. My preference when it comes to marriage is to a muslim convert from the USA. One who can share this open minded fairness & devotion only to Allah (SWT). My parents on the other hand are completely against such a move and become almost depressed when such a thing is mentioned. I owe them more than any woman I could ever hope to marry but do my wishes qualify as disobedience and therefore sin? I'd prefer not to fall into the trap of 2 wives just in the hopes to make everyone happy so please advise on the best course of action. Also some of my friends have recommended a secret nikah (secret only in the sense where my parents dont know but most people in the US do). I dont believe that would really serve any purpose but for arguments sake would that even be classified as a secret nikah since many other people know? I have many questions in one email I know. Thanks for your help. Answer: Thank you for your kind sentiments. We hope that our efforts are productive and accepted in the way of God. Following are the replies to your specific questions: As you said, Islam does not tolerate bias and prejudice. No one is better than the other due to skin color, ethnicity, cultural background, or any such thing. With God, piety and righteousness are two of the best forms of worship. It is clear that you have realized this and now have to undergo the task of helping others see this. You should not be a silent protester; you should find the best, most amiable way to educate and help those around you to see what is right. Try to produce verses of the Qur'an, ahadith (narratives), stories from the Prophet's (pbuh) life for them. Show them the virtues of people that are not Pakistani and help them realize the humanity within us all. Most importantly communication in the best way will go far with this. Here are some things you can start with: O mankind, indeed We have created you from one male and female and made you peoples and tribes that you may know one another. Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you. Indeed, Allah is Knowing and Acquainted. - Al Hujuraat 49:13 Also, consider the last sermon of the Prophet also found in the ahadith compilation of Musnad Ahmad number 22978: All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action. Your desire to have a particular wife is not any form of disobedience to your parents even though due to their emotional state of mind it may seem that way. As a matter of fact disagreement with one's parents is not a sin. One is not supposed to mistreat one's parents but that is very different from submitting to each one of the parent's desires or preferences. Also, taking two wives would surely not be a good answer, not to mention the fact that if you plan to live in the United States it is against the law. Do not place yourself in a potentially worse situation by trying to solve another problem. As for the nikah (marriage contract) it is advisable that you not hide it from your parents. Such a step may be a recipe for disaster. Eventually you parents will have to know; shocking them with that type of information could result in a bigger crises. Even if they are disappointed while you go through the process at least they will know and insha'Allah with time they will come to terms with the matter. In the end, the decision is yours to make. Base it on wisdom and what you think is best. Keeping the marriage from your parents has no religious consequence. I hope I have clarified the issue. God knows best. Ronnie Hassan March 5, 2007