Title: Am I to Blame for my Problem or Should I be Patient as its from God Question: I am a medical student studying in a competitive environment. For most of my life, I've been a bright student near the top of my class. I use to dream of being a professor in a university, spending my whole life teaching and learning. That's how much love I had for learning at one time. Study and learning were fun activities that I indulged in almost effortlessly. I've developed into a young man who is happy and content as long as studies are going well. Most of the depression I encounter comes with declining performance in my academics. Since the last two and a half years, my academics have taken a serious nose-dive. I cease to take interest in it, cease to find it easy, and cease to enjoy it. I worry myself sick over my performance in exams. When I'm not trying to study, I usually mope around getting depressed because of not studying (the point being that if my studies are suffering now, it's not because of wasting my time in parties, or useless activities). Quite simply, the drive and motivation to be amongst the best that I had before has simply vanished. Every now and then, I get this drive back again, for a day or part of a day and I get excited thinking that my dry spell is over. Every time however, it goes away again. When I do badly in my studies, I realize that I'm failing to fulfill my duties as a member of the society, in that I should make full use of the talents that Allah has blessed me with to the best of my abilities. However I wonder if this immense mental inertia that I face is a problem I can truly be blamed for not overcoming. I make sacrifices for my study; I spend my vacations in the hostel and not go home, I don't indulge in non-productive activities, I worry about them, etc.. etc.., however when the time comes to get the work done, I face an overwhelming mental block. I have tried almost everything to overcome this problem which is causing me so much unhappiness; drugs, meditation techniques, group studies, differing approaches, etc.... In the past, my academic success caused me to drift away from Allah. The world of academics gave me all the satisfaction I needed from life. Resultantly, I grew negligent in my prayers and remembrance of Allah. I felt I was self-sustained. In other words, I failed miserably in the test of being blessed with "good times" to see if one is grateful to Allah. The experiences of the last two years have caused me to reflect and take my deen very seriously. I can honestly say that I am a much better Muslim because of the tough times I've been through. For that, I thank Allah many times over from saving me from the path I was previously walking on in my life. I feel Allah had taken away the drive that was in me before to bring me on the Right path. I am using the opportunity he has blessed me with to make my faith so strong that when this storm of my life is over, and good times ( insha'Allah ) come again, I shall be no longer ungrateful, but will serve as an example to others as to how to properly utilize my gifts in the path of Allah. My basic question is this: when I do badly in my exams (and in doing so fail in my duties as a member of the society), then how much blame should I accord myself? If I've interpreted the events in my life correctly, then I feel that for the time being, Allah has taken away the zest I once had and made it impossible for me to be as good academically as I once was. So if I do badly in the next exams, should I beat myself up about it the way that I used to? When something bad like an unavoidable accident happens to you, I understand that you have to be patient. When it comes to these kinds of situations, I am very patient. However, my case is a little different. I feel I should be able to study no matter what, and at times feel that I'm making up this theory of "God-deprived Zest" as an excuse for my poor performance. I apologize for the length of this question, but felt that I had to detail certain aspects of the problem for you to be able to give an answer accurate to my circumstances. I love your site. It has greatly increased my Iman , and has truly made a difference in my life. May Allah save you and us all from Hell and bless us with Jannat-ul-firdous . Amen. Anonymous United States Answer: My dear brother, your letter shows your excellent appreciation of the nature of test that man is faced with during the life of this world. This appreciation is a special blessing of the Almighty and is granted only to those, who deserve it. Indeed all our mental, physical and psychological indispositions during the life of this world are a part of our test during this life. Furthermore, it is, indeed, beyond all doubt that we are sometimes put in an apparently difficult situation to be reminded of our responsibility towards and to strengthen our relationship with our Merciful Creator and Provider. Any person who realizes this fact should not only consider himself extremely fortunate from the perspective of the ultimate outcome of such tests but shall also get a lot of strength in meeting the challenges entailed in such tests, through his reliance and trust in God's mercy and providence. Nevertheless, I would strongly recommend that while keeping your faith and trust in the abounding mercy of our Lord, you should also seriously consider taking professional and expert help for your problems. Your student counselor may be able to give you some valuable advice and may also be able to refer you to the person, who has the appropriate expertise to help you in your specific problem. I thank you for your kind and encouraging words on my work. I hope this helps. Regards, Moiz Amjad November 4, 2002