Adhering to Islamic Social Directives in the Modern Day World... I wanted to know where does a Muslim draw a line between following Islam and adopting the Modern ideals? How does one come to term with hurting others feelings, especially in North America and following his religion? I think that it depends on the commandment. Some commandments are so strong that they cannot change, even if others feel uncomfortable like praying or wearing hijaab . At the same time certain etiquette do change, according to society. Suppose you meet a woman and she moves her hand forward in order to shake your hand. Now according to the Shari`ah you should not touch a woman. But over here one usually shakes a woman's hand because otherwise she will find it rude. But then I think that I'm living according to what others feel and not according to Allah. I am a little confused in this issue. May Allah accept your good deeds and forgive your sins. Allah Hafiz Salman Badr Reply Whether a person should or should not shake hands with members of the opposite sex is not a part of the teachings (negative or positive) of the Islamic Shari`ah . The Shari`ah does not, prohibit nor make it mandatory for a man to shake hands with women. However, the social etiquette of Islam, which the Prophet (pbuh) and subsequently his companions promoted in the Islamic societies has generally not encouraged the referred social tradition of shaking hands with women [1] . This, somewhat, negative attitude toward the referred social tradition seems to be well in keeping with the overall spirit as well as the general social directives of Islam. One of the basic values on which Islam has based all its social teachings is Hayaa [2] . As an extension of this basic value, Muslim societies have generally promoted segregation, rather than intermingling of the sexes. A general aversion toward the tradition of shaking hands with the opposite sex is also, in my opinion, one of the extensions and applications of this particular value, generally adopted in the Muslim societies. However, social traditions, etiquettes and norms, like many other aspects of collective human life have undergone a tremendous change over the past couple of centuries. It is not difficult to imagine that when the Muslims were the major socio-political force in the world, they must have influenced the norms and etiquettes of the world societies. It is quite understandable that at that time, it may have been consider 'rude' to offer your hand, while greeting a lady and it is quite predictable that Muslims would have adhered to this norm with great pride. Times, however, have changed. The leaders of the past are only one among the many, who are led, today. Those who had become used to influencing others with their norms and etiquettes, look toward others to teach them the etiquette of living their lives. Those, who, in the past, adhered to their norms with a sense of pride, feel a sense of shame in such adherence, today. All this is quite natural, quite predictable, quite understandable. Yet from a Muslim's perspective - it is also quite painful. My dear brother, the norms of etiquette vary in different societies. Just as in America it might be insulting if I did not shake hands with a lady while greeting her, it might be equally insulting in Pakistan if I did. I honestly feel that 'good manners' have a lot more to do with concern and consideration than with adherence to the norms of etiquette of a particular society. As, an etiquette expert, Sarah Goodman has put it: 'The way you use your knife and fork is etiquette. Not embarrassing your guest if he uses the wrong ones is good manners. Where the two conflict, good manners should come first'. I remind you, my brother, that pride in affiliating with a particular group is represented much more strongly by adhering to the norms and etiquettes of that group than by mere word of mouth. If Muslims, generally, decide to avoid adherence to their socio-religious norms and etiquettes, as these norms are generally considered 'rude' in the western societies, it won't be long before these norms are completely forgotten and written off. I would, therefore, suggest that if you feel that the particular norm under consideration is truly in accordance with the spirit of Islam and, therefore, deserves your adherence to it then you should, generally, try to do so. I am sure that your considerate, respectful and friendly attitude toward others shall, in no time, make them forget that you did not shake hands with them. Nevertheless, if you feel that it would be better that you shook hands with a lady and then, only at a later time, told her that such is not a part of your socio-religious norms, there would be no harm in doing so. It may, however, be added that shaking hands with one's close relatives - males and females - has been adopted in some of the Muslim cultures, since quite some time. With reference to this tradition, in response to a related question, I had written: The Shari`ah does not give a specific direction regarding the style of greeting a relative. This, therefore is basically a cultural issue and has been left by the Shari`ah to the Ma`roof (i.e. accepted and approved norms) of the society. In my opinion, if there is a significant age difference between the two individuals there is no harm in shaking hands with your maternal or paternal uncles. On the other hand, if the age difference is not very significant then, in my opinion, it would be preferable to maintain a slightly distant relationship to avoid any psychological or emotional complicacies. The same would be the case in other relations, which are generally not considered as " Mehram " by the Muslim jurists. I hope this helps. Regards, Moiz Amjad , Otherwise you may simply Close this Window [1] It is reported in a few narratives ascribed to the Prophet (pbuh) that once when a group of women, while the Prophet (pbuh) was taking a pledge ( bay`ah ) from them, held out their hands for the purpose, the Prophet (pbuh) excused himself from the practice saying: "I do not shake hands with women". (reported by Al-Nasaaiy and other books) [2] Due to a lack of accurate synonym in the English language, I have used the Arabic word, which, over here, implies 'the suppression of sexual interaction within certain limits and the avoidance of instigating sexual attraction or being instigated by a sexual attraction beyond those limits".