Islamically speaking, your wife has an obligation to you just as you have obligations towards her. Since she is Muslim she needs to take a pious and humble character on and maintain herself in a modest manner. She should also recognize that certain "friendships" could damage the family structure set up by Islam. Her loyalty and devotion belong to you and your children (if you have any). Her attention and concentration should be directed towards your family. Hence, any tension that can be avoided should be, at least to keep the peace in the household; this is a responsibility incumbent upon the both of you. Though your wife is not subservient it would be prudent for her to accept your judgments on such matters. The choice of friends is not a religious one but the stability of the family has its roots in religion. Thus, Islam does not give you the right to choose her friends per se but it does give you the authority to demand from your wife a responsible role in the marriage that would cease any disturbance. This of course can be extended to requiring your wife to no longer associate with her male friend, not because you have that right but because you have the right to eliminate anything that agitates the marriage. Whatever the friendship is, you, as her husband, come first. Islamic values teach that a husband and wife ought to respect one another and be amicable with each other. The love and commitment both have invested in should guide the relationship to a happier, healthier living. So long as the requests are not unreasonable there should be some sort of give-and-take between the partners. The way in which your wife is conducting herself does not befit the spirit of Islam. Her friendship to a man who is not her husband, while both have partners, exceeds the limits of character set by Islam. Your wife is in the wrong and if she ponders with any sort of wisdom will recognize her error, regardless if she thinks it is a harmless relationship, and on her own retire such a friendship. Your part is to help her understand and persuade her without arguing and anger. However, you may want to discuss with your wife the friendship and get a better idea of the situation. Find out what brings them close and maybe this will help you understand if you are lacking anything towards her in any way. Ask her what elements of their friendship do you not have with your wife and when she expresses her answer take it as is and work on those areas. Just remember that in trying to fulfill these things not get carried away and assume this will relieve her of her need for this friendship. It may be that particular persons just click with others regardless of how hard one tries to emulate them it can never be the same. So do not drain yourself in such matters, just be the best of who you are. Knowing her needs and what she likes about the friendship can go really far for the both of you. This can also help you realize the extent of the relationship which could give you be a little more understanding and tolerance in your attitude. Sometimes in our rush to judgment and emotional preoccupation we lose sight of objectivity and begin to be bothered by things not needing the investment of such anger and resentment. In the end if all sorts of sincere and loving conversations bear no fruit then you have every right to ask her to end the relationship. I hope I have clarified the issue. God knows best. Ronnie Hassan April 12, 2005 Answer published by Ronnie Hassan